Every now and then I stumble across a clip that makes me stop, blink a few times, stare into the middle distance, and wonder whether I accidentally clicked on satire. This week it was Kris Vallotton of Bethel Church—the charismatic Disneyland of perpetual prophecy, destiny coaching, angel stories, and whatever else happens when people become bored with ordinary Christianity and start chasing spiritual fireworks.
Speaking at a recent event in Germany, Vallotton launched into one of the strangest streams of consciousness I’ve heard in quite some time. According to him, prophetic words are “like the sperm of God.” People carry this divine sperm around in their wallets and purses.
And many are apparently “infected with the destiny of God.”
Bethel-style churches function as wombs where all of this can finally come together and produce spiritual babies. I’m not paraphrasing. I’m not exaggerating. That’s the actual pitch.
